My age is growing fast, but somehow I still can not decide what the real I want to do in my life. Yes! I want to be happy, but like what? Yes! I want to be useful for others, but still like what? I remember one of the internet psychological test, How Brain Works, determined me not only as strongly left-hemisphere dominant, but also predominantly visual learner. On one side, I have a great intense with organization, precision, also in details and logical focus in my life. But on the other side, I still could not be able to tell my self what is the truly I want to get from it. One of my awkward characteristics!

Anyway, I had been experiencing two sides of the extremely life in the last three months: huge trouble and also great relieving as its impact. On last August, I had no longer worked in my last company because incisive views of work between my manager and I. Frankly, I still hoped that it still could be fixed as the time goes by, but somehow I realized this condition would not make me comfort to get good achievement in my performances.

As the result, I have been tested by the Lord in the most critical time of my life as in that month I had to pay tuition to University of Indonesia also. Actually, it would not be a problem if I still worked in that company as the salary is more than enough to fulfill my necessity. But I think it was unwise to always look back into our life, so I have tried everything possible to fulfill that obligation. Even though His hands finally helped me (as always) with my two close friends in the last time, my optimism which always be there as the trouble comes to me, was melting as the time pushed every second I had. Lucky me that I have had some friends who always be there not only in my happiness but in my suffering as well. I think I will owe for their help in my whole life no matter what.

While I still could not get the clear point in getting new job, I have tried to guess what God actually planned to my life. I truly believed every trouble which given to us will make our mature ness grows. But still as a human I felt uncomfortable with unemployment label. I had felt one day as a week and one week as a month which usually felt by unemployee. Moreover, it was kind of scary feeling that I could not use my huge energy to work in that time. Lucky me that I have been surrounded by campus environment so that I still could do other good things. My reading interest was granted with borrowing two books each day in Center Library of University of Indonesia because I could finish one book on three hours only. It was kind of frightening my friend saw me always change my reading books every day he he he...

Application letters which originally focus on Purchasing career path, was bent to educator because it was too long to wait the process of getting new job in private company. It was really doubtful due to financial risks to be a tutor or a senior high school teacher, but I really have a passion with this job. Standing in front of the class while pupils focus on me, no doubt something which I really want to do. I guess this is the way straightening which God created to me. I was lucky after my problem solved, I was getting a new job as an Academic Coordinator in one of growing English course at Sawangan. As the openness and warm I get from my manager, made me decide that I will give my loyalty to this course when choices of job I have in the future.

Thank to God, the offering are coming to me one by one as tutors or teacher after that. Till now, besides I have been as tutor in study counseling and English course; couple days when days off, I will have been teaching students in SMU 88 Cijantung, Jakarta to prepare their SPMB and Ujian Akhir Nasional tests. I still need other jobs to balance the revenue I get with my expenses of course, but I think I have to take it slow as I have already enjoyed these jobs.

One thing I learnt from this case, no matter how hard our trouble, there are always solutions in end-points. So giving up, moreover suicide, is one of the most coward actions to face it. Just give your best beyond your limit, cause you will amaze how strong you are.

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