Mencinta memang indah
Tak perlu dipikir dengan meluap
Tak perlu diucap dengan meresap
Tanpa itu mencinta tetap lah indah
Merindu memang sendu
Tak perlu disebut dengan kusut
Tak perlu disahut dengan kalut
Tanpa itu merindu tetap lah sendu
Menerima memang agung
Tak perlu dicari ke puncak gunung
Tak perlu diselami di palung laut
Tanpa itu menerima tetap lah agung
Mencinta bermula di jiwa
Merindu bergulat di sukma
Menerima bersiasat di raga
be inspired on Takkan Terganti (Dea Mirella)
My age is growing fast, but somehow I still can not decide what the real I want to do in my life. Yes! I want to be happy, but like what? Yes! I want to be useful for others, but still like what? I remember one of the internet psychological test, How Brain Works, determined me not only as strongly left-hemisphere dominant, but also predominantly visual learner. On one side, I have a great intense with organization, precision, also in details and logical focus in my life. But on the other side, I still could not be able to tell my self what is the truly I want to get from it. One of my awkward characteristics!
Anyway, I had been experiencing two sides of the extremely life in the last three months: huge trouble and also great relieving as its impact. On last August, I had no longer worked in my last company because incisive views of work between my manager and I. Frankly, I still hoped that it still could be fixed as the time goes by, but somehow I realized this condition would not make me comfort to get good achievement in my performances.
Anyway, I had been experiencing two sides of the extremely life in the last three months: huge trouble and also great relieving as its impact. On last August, I had no longer worked in my last company because incisive views of work between my manager and I. Frankly, I still hoped that it still could be fixed as the time goes by, but somehow I realized this condition would not make me comfort to get good achievement in my performances.
As the result, I have been tested by the Lord in the most critical time of my life as in that month I had to pay tuition to University of Indonesia also. Actually, it would not be a problem if I still worked in that company as the salary is more than enough to fulfill my necessity. But I think it was unwise to always look back into our life, so I have tried everything possible to fulfill that obligation. Even though His hands finally helped me (as always) with my two close friends in the last time, my optimism which always be there as the trouble comes to me, was melting as the time pushed every second I had. Lucky me that I have had some friends who always be there not only in my happiness but in my suffering as well. I think I will owe for their help in my whole life no matter what.
While I still could not get the clear point in getting new job, I have tried to guess what God actually planned to my life. I truly believed every trouble which given to us will make our mature ness grows. But still as a human I felt uncomfortable with unemployment label. I had felt one day as a week and one week as a month which usually felt by unemployee. Moreover, it was kind of scary feeling that I could not use my huge energy to work in that time. Lucky me that I have been surrounded by campus environment so that I still could do other good things. My reading interest was granted with borrowing two books each day in Center Library of University of Indonesia because I could finish one book on three hours only. It was kind of frightening my friend saw me always change my reading books every day he he he...
Application letters which originally focus on Purchasing career path, was bent to educator because it was too long to wait the process of getting new job in private company. It was really doubtful due to financial risks to be a tutor or a senior high school teacher, but I really have a passion with this job. Standing in front of the class while pupils focus on me, no doubt something which I really want to do. I guess this is the way straightening which God created to me. I was lucky after my problem solved, I was getting a new job as an Academic Coordinator in one of growing English course at Sawangan. As the openness and warm I get from my manager, made me decide that I will give my loyalty to this course when choices of job I have in the future.
Thank to God, the offering are coming to me one by one as tutors or teacher after that. Till now, besides I have been as tutor in study counseling and English course; couple days when days off, I will have been teaching students in SMU 88 Cijantung, Jakarta to prepare their SPMB and Ujian Akhir Nasional tests. I still need other jobs to balance the revenue I get with my expenses of course, but I think I have to take it slow as I have already enjoyed these jobs.
One thing I learnt from this case, no matter how hard our trouble, there are always solutions in end-points. So giving up, moreover suicide, is one of the most coward actions to face it. Just give your best beyond your limit, cause you will amaze how strong you are.
enam april dua-ribu-lima
Kali pertama ku lihat lelaki itu, gerimis merintik tiba-tiba di halaman. Tak hirau dengan sekelebatan pecahan-pecahan air yang menyentuh wajah dan kakinya, tubuh itu terpaku pada pintu serambi rumah dengan meletakkan kepala pada dekap dua tangannya. Tak ada keinginan sedikitpun untuk masuk ke dalam, meringkuk di antara selimut tebalnya, sebagaimana kebanyakan orang. Tiba-tiba.... sebuah senyum tersungging di wajahnya ketika hujan bertambah-tambah deras. Ah... pastilah dia sedang berbahagia, gumamku kala itu. Sesungging senyum yang sederhana, tapi jika kau lihat ke kedalaman matanya, terpancar sebuah kebahagiaan yang pasrah.
sembilan oktober dua-ribu-lima
Kali kedua ku lihat lelaki itu, hujan sudah sampai pada titik derasnya. Kali ini dia beranjak dari serambi rumahnya; alih-alih masuk ke dalam rumah untuk menghindari pekikan halilintar yang kejam terdengar, lelaki itu malah mematung persis sejari di depan air hujan yang merantai dari atap ke selokan rumahnya. Mendongakkan kepalanya sebentar, kemudian tangannya pun menyentuh air yang berkejaran di depannya. Tiba-tiba.... matanya terpejam meresapi dingin air yang menjalar ke tubuhnya. Ah... aku pikir pasti dia sedang merindukan seseorang. Kembali senyuman sederhana tersungging di wajahnya, sebuah ejewantah kerinduan pada orang yang dikasihinya.
delapan-belas juli dua-ribu-enam
Kali ketiga ku lihat lelaki itu, hujan sudah sampai pada titik kembali menjadi gerimis. Kali ini dia duduk menopangkan wajah di lututnya. Aneh karena kali ini kekeruhan di raut wajahnya meruak jelas karena tidak ada sesungging senyum atau pancaran kebahagiaan. Bahkan sesekali kulihat badannya terguncang hebat meski deru hujan membiaskannya. Lama kuperhatikan tak ada yang dilakukannya kecuali menerawang kosong di depannya. Akan tetapi, tanpa diduga kembali senyuman itu tersungging di wajahnya. Heran sekaligus takjub aku melihatnya karena baru saja ia terguncang hebat. Ah... sungging senyum sederhana, yang seakan menyibakkan kepedihan hatinya, membias abadi di sana ketika tiba-tiba kulihat pelangi terkembang di langit rumah... Dia pun menikmati pancaran anugerah multi warna sementara tetes hujan terakhir menghujam bumi menuju titiannya.
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Tentang Blog Ini
Berawal dari goresan pena pengalaman paling pribadi, untuk kemudian menyadari bahwa sebuah tulisan bisa menjadi alat yang lebih tajam daripada pisau dan lebih cepat dibanding peluru. Demikian, tulisan-tulisan di blog ini pun berevolusi menjadi tulisan dalam konteks yang lebih umum.
